The Croatian Fascists have knocked the English Multiculturalists out of the Euro 2008 tournament. The score last night was 3-2, an improvement on the previous encounter (2-0), but with the familiar English goaltending slapstick. To put it bluntly, England would have won if they hadn't lost.
Yes, I know: the condition of the pitch was atrocious. At times it seemed as though the players were skating over the field. But we are talking about England for God’s Sake. Half of professional English football matches are played in mud and rain. That should have given England the advantage.
What makes the outcome doubly embarrassing is that there are only 4 million Croats compared to a whopping 40 million or so English (weighted for relative population sizes, the final scores should read 30-2 and 20-0). And England has a steady stream of immigrants whose citizenship can be fast-tracked should their football skills warrant it. I never read of lorries crammed with suffocating refugees trying to start a new life in Zagreb or Split. Not only that, English football commands a huge budget whereas Croatia's coach struggles to afford pencil and paper:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article488278.ece
Oh well. No point crying over slippery balls when an exciting bitching season is about to get underway. Time to sit back and enjoy the upcoming qualifiers where 10 million overlooked coaching geniuses from every pub and office across England will square off to decide What Went Wrong and How To Make Sure It Never Happens Again before the newest scapegoat is awarded the mandate to resume England’s quest for the long-awaited and elusive "turning point". Whoever thought that Iraq would one day become a metaphor for English football?
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UPDATE: It's just been confirmed. England has no divine right to participate in the major football tournaments:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/internationals/7100393.stm
