Time to immortalise some old family holiday sketches before I mislay them forever...
Escape to Watzmann
“Come on! Time to swim!” came the unmistakeable Montenegrin bark. Yoksy, Steven and Eva turned over in their beds in disgust. Yoksy had been dreaming of glory as a fighter pilot in the looming Gulf War. Miraculously, he had managed to bomb all Iraqi military bases single-handedly without being chased by a single Iraqi aircraft or missile. He had been tucking into a celebratory jumbo deluxe chocolate ice cream back at AFHQ when Pops shattered his slumber.
Steven was slow to rise, placing his feet in the soggy towel Eva had left at his bedside the previous night.
“Come on you guys”, echoed Jenny, Pops’ right-hand woman. “We’ve got to get up. There’s not much time left for breakfast.”
“This is like a recurring nightmare”, thought Steven. “I hear the same god-damned thing every morning.” Sleepy Eva looked confused by a pair of trousers she was trying to pull over her head.
“Eva! Tonta!” screamed Yoksy. “You don’t put pants over your cabeza!!”
“Shut-up Yoksy!” came Eva's witty reply.
Looked like it was going to be one of those days. Steven heard the bathroom door shut. "Damn!" he thought. "Looks like I’ll have to pee in the pool again." He collapsed back into bed.
Yoksy suddenly charged out of the bathroom singing a new variation of “Anchors Away” which only added to the mystery of his obsession with air combat.
“Come on! We play poker!” bellowed Yoksy. He was already dealing cards on Steven’s stomach.
“Yoksy cheater!” shouted Eva. “You didn’t shuffle properly!”
Jenny was back with Pops not far behind. “Look. I told you they’re going to stop serving breakfast soon.” Eva and Yoksy turned around.
“Shut up!!” they roared in touching unison.
Jenny, ever eager to broker a compromise tried again. “OK. You can play poker in the pool as long as you get into your bathing suits immediately.”
Cheshire grins appeared on Eva and Yoksy’s faces. “Immediately” was a flexible unit of time in the Vujacic household spanning 'sometime today’ to ‘2 years from now’.
But a volcano was rumbling. “If you don’t get into your bathing suits this second…….”
Pops didn’t have to finish the sentence. The kids charged out of Room 307 as if pursued by hungry wolves.
“You see! That is how you talk to these kids!”
Alas, many lessons would have to be learned. As Pops returned to his room he collided with Eva who, in the panic, had run out of the room without her hairbrush. “What are you doing here?!?" sputtered Pops. “And why do you have ice cream on your head at this time of the morning?!?”
Quick thinking was called for…………………
A Bunch of Eisholes
“Uh” drawled Jenny. “Yelstin like, he ought to be Prez.”
“Oh shut-up” grumbled Pops. “Jenny always says the first thing that comes into her head”. He took another sip of Dunkel. “Now Yelstin – he ought to be president!”
Jenny heaved a sign of disgust. All was forgotten though when she felt a familiar tug of her threadbare armsleeve. An indignant Yoksy began to scream.
“Mama! The man didn’t let me eated his pickle!” Yoksy was nearly in tears.
“ ‘Ate’ not ‘eated’! bellowed Jenny who detected a resentful Germanic glare from the corner of her eye.
She quickly relented. “But look darling, you can play 7 games of minigolf, have 19 candy bars and order 73 ice creams if you behave yourself”.
Yoksy spotted an opportunity for blackmail. “What about Spezi-Cola?” he shouted.
Eager to avoid embarrassment, Jenny tried to change the subject. “Hey look at that interesting piece of woodwork in the ceiling!” Everyone in the restaurant looked up except for Yoksy.
“WHAT ABOUT THE SPEZI COLA?!?”
Pops stepped in with a deal. “You forget about the Spezi-Cola and I won’t thrash you in front of all of these people.” The bargain was irresistible.
“Ok, ok!” replied Yoksy. “What a bunch of Eisholes!” he whispered. As usual, his “whisper” was overheard.
“Ah ja! Die Eishole!!” came the cry from the next table. “Das ist sehr schoen!!”
Yoksy glared at the amiable eavesdropper. “Stop staring at me, ok? And I can do flips in the pool so NYAH!!!”
